Accustomed as I am...
By Alan Badmington

Sometimes pushing your neck out is the only way to move forward in life.

Having stuttered since childhood, it was inevitable that speaking in front of groups figured prominently among my list of fears. A catalogue of painful experiences, accumulated throughout my life, had fuelled my belief that I could never successfully perform that role.

As I suffered the social consequences of malfunctioning speech, I developed strategies to protect myself from shame and embarrassment, together with tricks and avoidances for pushing through blocks and concealing 'difficult' words. When these changes began to influence and reinforce each other, the problem became self-perpetuating.

I was aware that merely working on my speech would be insufficient. I had to embrace and change the negative beliefs, perceptions and emotions that had become so engrained. The psychological framework that had supported my stutter needed to be dismantled. To achieve this, I would be required to revise my self-image and perform certain tasks, until they became so familiar that I accepted myself in those new roles. Until such changes occurred I realised that I would remain vulnerable.

When I acquired the McGuire technique to overcome the debilitating speech block, together with an array of tools for dealing with feared words, my entire outlook changed. I accepted myself as a recovering stutterer, and enjoyed a far greater understanding of the psychological and physiological aspects of the problem. I vowed that I would never again avoid any letter, syllable, word or situation. I knew that the only way to combat my fears was to confront them head-on.

Public speaking was one of the many areas with which I decided to do battle. In order to expand my comfort zones, I plucked up the courage to join the Association of Speakers Clubs (ASC). Since becoming a member 13 months ago, I have derived immense benefit and now attend three such clubs.

During that period, I have regularly given prepared and impromptu speeches, chaired meetings, competitions and topics sessions, while also presenting tutorials and providing oral evaluations of speeches made by other members. The past few months have proved particularly rewarding.

In October 2001 I secured first place at a speaking contest at the Cardiff Speakers Club, competing with fluent speakers. It was heartening to hear the evaluator recommend to everyone that they should model themselves on my performance - complimenting my voice projection, articulation and overall presentation. I then won the South Western District trophy - a very proud moment.

Further successes followed in another ASC competition and, as champion of the Severnvale Speakers Club (near Bristol), I have now progressed through to the south western district stage, just one step away from the national finals.

I also have speaking engagements with the Rotary Club, Probus Club (professional and business persons), with dates reserved up to February 2003. Just before Christmas, I was the guest speaker at the Christmas dinner of a local history society, and received a £20 donation. I presented it to BSA and expect that similar gratuities will be forthcoming in the future.

In addition, I have given television, radio and newspaper interviews, both in the UK and USA. At Arkansas State University I gave a series of talks to trainee speech and language pathologists. The professor of speech disorders felt it would be useful for me to provide them with an insight into what it is like to be a person who stutters. That proved to be an emotional visit when I was given a birthday cake after my final presentation, to celebrate the first year of my recovery. I also received a model turtle, the significance of which is that it can only move forward if it pushes its neck out. It was suggested that I had certainly pushed my neck out during the preceding twelve months.

Last September I was thrilled to give a presentation to the BSA annual conference in Liverpool. A transcript of my speech is available on the BSA website (below).

Every day, I set myself new goals as I continue to erode the negativity that affected my life and my speech, for half a century.

I have discarded the Edinburgh Masker, my mechanical crutch for two decades. That small electronic device emitted a buzzing noise in my ear each time I spoke, masking the sound of my own voice.

I thoroughly enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice now, having been denied the opportunity of hearing it for 20 years. Some claim that I talk too much - a charge to which I readily plead guilty. In mitigation, I argue that I have waited so long to acquire the courage and capability to indulge in all aspects of speaking, that I offer no excuse for making up for lost time

From the Winter/Spring 2002 edition of Speaking Out

Transcript of Alan Badmington's workshop at the 2001 BSA Conference in Liverpool:
Workshop - Stuttering is not just a speech problem
The workshop deals with Alan's experiences as a police officer with a stammer and John Harrison's "Stuttering Hexagon".

Further articles by Alan:
Increasing public awareness - a subsequent article in which he speaks of his experiences of approaching the media as well as addressing community organisations, and offers suggestions on how to follow suit.
Acting is a wonderful experience - Autumn 2004
My commitment to speaking about stuttering is opening so many new doors - Summer 2006