After co-facilitating City Lit's workshop on this topic last January, Rachel Everard talks about assertiveness for people who stammer

Assertiveness is about the ability to communicate clearly, enabling you to get the best from yourself and from others. It is based on the following four beliefs:

1.You have needs to be met
2.The other person has needs to be met
3.You have rights, so do others
4.You have something to contribute, so do others.

Being assertive is different from being passive or aggressive. Passive behaviour can be described as someone relying on others to guess what they want, resulting in feelings of resentment and disappointment when this doesn't happen. Aggressive behaviour is often characterised by someone getting what they want no matter what, using threatening or manipulative techniques to get there. In contrast, someone who behaves assertively asks for what they want in a clear, direct manner in the knowledge that they have rights as do other people.

Behaving assertively can be challenging for anybody, regardless of whether they stammer or not. As you go about your day, take a bit of time to analyse other people's behaviour - are they being open and direct? Are they being manipulative in the way they ask for something? Are they letting you second-guess what they really want?

For people who stammer, there might be specific issues that affect their ability to be assertive on occasions. For example someone who stammers may feel that they shouldn't take longer than others to speak and therefore will choose to stay quiet rather than express an opinion - or that what they have to say is less worthwhile if not said fluently.

It is for these reasons that at City Lit we regularly offer assertiveness workshops. When introducing assertiveness, we first define what we mean by assertive behaviour. We ask our students to reflect on their behaviour, as becoming more aware of your own behaviour is a vital first step. We next introduce the important concept of individual rights and our students discuss which rights they feel comfortable with and which they have more difficulty accepting. Crucially, we introduce specific stammering rights including:

• I have the right to stammer
• I have the right to be listened to when I stammer as well as when I am fluent
• I have the right not to be hurried when I speak
• I have the right to ask for what I need in terms of my communication.

Read these through and think hard about whether you can fully accept these rights. If you have the opportunity, discuss them with someone else who stammers and compare your thoughts about them.

We next teach specific skills to help people become more assertive. We see these skills as part of a toolkit that people can draw on in a variety of situations. These key assertive skills include:

Set the scene. Knowing what you want to gain from a situation is vital. Choose the time and place; clarify what you want to say and decide what you would like from the situation.

Be specific and concise. Say exactly what you mean. Get to the point right away.

Useful reading Assertiveness at work, by Ken and Kate Back (2005) A woman in your own right by Anne Dickson (1982) Assertiveness step by step (overcoming common problems), by Windy Dryden and Daniel Constantinou (2004) The Assertiveness Pocketbook, by Max Eggert and Phil Hailstone (1997) Assert yourself: simple steps to getting what you want, by Gael Lindenfield (2001)

Body language. Make sure that what you're saying is reinforced by your body language. Assertive body language includes steady eye-contact, standing / sitting upright, relaxed posture and open hand movements.

Acknowledge what others say/empathise. Show others that you're genuinely listening to them through facial expression and referring back to what they've said.

Repetition. In order to be heard, you might want to repeat your statement 2 or 3 times. Do so calmly and clearly. This 'broken record' technique ensures that your view-point is heard.

Self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is saying how you feel and taking responsibility for those feelings. Remember to use 'I' statements. It can be very useful and empowering to be open about your stammer and to ask for what you need from other people.

Workable compromise. Should your request not be granted or you disagree with the other person, seek to find an alternative solution which is acceptable to both of you.

To develop your assertive skills, we would strongly recommend you do some reading on the subject as well as attending specific workshops.

Please contact us at City Lit for further information: 020 7492 2578 / speechtherapy@citylit.ac.uk / www.citylit.ac.uk/stammeringtherapy

Some comments by participants

Attending the 'Assertiveness for people who stammer' course at the City Lit was challenging, enjoyable, and thought-provoking.

In the role-play exercises I would sometimes slip into another less appropriate response, though this was not a failing as we could do the role-play again. At other times I surprised myself when I expressed myself clearly and succinctly and didn't compromise on my rights. I certainly felt better when I was in an assertive 'mode', and in the role-plays it produced an outcome I felt better with.

The sessions specifically dealing with stammering have been useful to me as it has reminded me that I do have the right to be listened to and to take as long as I need to say what I need to say. It also served to remind me that I am able to be assertive while stammering - I don't need to focus on being fluent when I am communicating with others.
Claire Tupling

I felt that the assertiveness course was most helpful in helping me realise that I am a true person in my own right, even though I stammer. I had often felt I was half as important as a fluent speaker, but the session we had on 'our rights as a stammerer' made me feel different - and happier - about myself. I also found the role-playing sessions very helpful. They showed me how easy it is really to say "no" to someone - and mean it! - and still have the person respect me.
Sue Taylor

From the Summer 2008 issue of 'Speaking Out', pages 8-9