Aspiring young writer Ashaur Rahman reached the finals of The Brit Writers' Awards in July 2010.

Ashaur Rahman

Ashaur wrote his first poem four weeks before the final deadline of this national writing competition. As weeks passed he kept progressing into the next rounds. The awards ceremony took place in the O2 arena on 15th July.

The chance of possibly winning and having to make a speech crossed his mind but, he says, "I went to the award show to enjoy the experience and not really caring if I won or not. I mean I just made the final out of 21,000 people - that's a win in my eyes!"

Ashaur has had a covert stammer his whole life. "I was so good at covering the stammer that most people didn't even know I had a stammer." After leaving school at 16 and taking easy jobs which did not involve much talking, he decided that the only way he would live life the way he wanted to was to tackle what he saw as the biggest obstacle in his life - the stammer.

Stammering Substituting words helps me when I chat This disability people always laugh at A... A...Ashaur is my name Most people don't understand my pain Mentally it's exhausting; physically it's frustrating Enchant yourself when you are singing Repeating words is just an occurrence Iceberg analogy is a resemblance Never let anyone belittle you Gain confidence that you never knew Ashaur Rahman - this is one of his poems submitted for the Brit Writers' Awards.

Opening up

"I came across The British Stammering Association and watched countless videos about stammering on YouTube and realised there are millions like me the world all over. I attended a BSA open day in Norwich a month later and finally met fellow stammerers. This was one of the most relaxing states I'd ever been in when talking to people because they understood what I was going through. It was like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders for that time. There I got to talk with people who gave me a lot of advice - one suggestion was to refer myself to a Speech and Language Therapist.

"Since visiting my SLT Catherine Macpherson, whose help I've found extremely valuable, I've acquired new techniques to control my stammer. In my early therapy sessions I used to avoid in front of her, so she would find it difficult to gauge how to help me. It's like you going to the dentist with your mouth sellotaped - how are they expected to help you if you're not going to show them the problem? I eventually swallowed my pride and stopped avoiding so she could help me properly. Just shows you how deep rooted the problem really was.

"One of the main things I did through these sessions was accept that I had a stammer. I spent years trying to be something I wasn't, and the emotional baggage that goes with that catches up with you eventually. So if you're a fellow stammerer and want to get a hold of your life my advice would be to accept the stammer first then things will eventually (hopefully) fall into place.

"My stammer is not cured but I've managed to put a cap on the things that used to be out of my control before, like avoiding and using substitute words. I'm not 100% yet but I'm testing myself all the time not to have a relapse.

Going for what I really want

"Now that I've got a grip on my speech, I've decided to finally do what I've always wanted to do - Write."

In 2009 Ashaur wrote, directed, produced, edited and even cameoed in a short 5 minute film called 'The Intervention' for a competition for the local paper. Even though the film never got recognised by the judges, he knew that he'd finally found his skill in creativity and this is something he will continue to pursue. Later that year he wrote a full feature screenplay 'Even Conscience' - the people who read it gave it good reviews and this gave him the confidence to write more, leading to the Brit Writers Awards.

"So the awards come to an end and I didn't win, but that doesn't dampen my willingness to write more and more. If I've learnt anything from this whole new lease of life it is that 'you might be down but you're never out' and 'you can do anything you set your mind to'".

From the Autumn 2010 issue of 'Speaking Out', page 14