I wrote to Readers Letters pages in 'Speaking Out' about two years ago regarding my telephone progress using a mobile phone. I am pleased to say that progress has been maintained and that rather than being a frightening object the telephone has become my friend.

I have become encouraged to write again about the improvements I have been able to make in everyday speech situations, using the help I've received from the British Stammering Association. After receiving the initial information pack I ordered the books "To the Stutterer" and "Self-therapy for the Stutterer" (both available from the library and the shop - see below). I was particularly keen to have these books as they were mostly written by people who have stammered themselves, which makes such a difference.

First I read "To the Stutterer" right through. Then I read the first few chapters of "Self-Therapy" up to the start of the ground rules. Very inspirational. Then I started reading "To the Stutterer" again, reading aloud. As I read I underlined the points which I felt particularly applied to my way of stammering and how I felt about it. Articles I found especially helpful I marked with a star. The item "Some suggestions for adult stutterers who want to talk easily" I marked "Excellent, re-read often," which I did. At the end of reading the book again, I was able to compile a list of points I needed to work on.

Then I was ready to begin working on the ground rules. What I liked about these two books is how down-to-earth they are. They make no secret of the fact that there are no short cuts, no easy remedies, it is down to very hard work mostly carried out by oneself. We need the guidance and directions as to how to do it but no-one can do the work for us. I worked very hard, especially at reading aloud, listening to myself on tape (urgh!) and reading again. I did not try to tackle everything at once; I worked on the easier goals first and then on to the more difficult ones, but at the same time trying to remember four basics. Not too fast, remember to pause, soft contacts, remember to breathe regularly. (Just think, most people just talk without thinking about how they do it!).

Breakthoughs

I experience a couple of "break-throughs" along the way, which really helped me a lot. The first was the realisation that how we react to our stammer is how many people react to their own fears, phobias or physical aspects of themselves, which they are not happy with.

To illustrate: one of my sons is five feet six inches tall and would dearly love to be taller. While I was reading about stammerers' methods of hiding or avoiding the problem, making it the big thing in their lives and thinking that if only they didn't stammer how different life would be and what different people they'd be, I recognised that my son was doing exactly the same thing regarding his height. He had narrowed down his life to a mere existence because he was doing so much avoiding. I was able to share my new-found understanding with him and he is now a much happier, more confident young man and I rarely hear him say anything about his height.

When I realised that I wasn't a freak but merely reacting in a very human and normal way to a problem, I felt very much better about myself and more sympathetic towards others rather than feeling envious of them or in awe of them.

All the while I was working on my speech I was trying to aim for as natural speech as possible rather than relying on a technique. I wasn't aiming for perfection because I noticed that very few people have perfect fluency. I just wanted to be more comfortable, so I began observing closely how other people speak, which was very revealing.

The second breakthrough came last year. I was watching the news during the election campaign, there was a close-up of a particular politician making a point quite strongly. I noticed that although he had a powerful voice his mouth moved hardly at all. It made me realise that I put far too much effort into talking, using my whole body, so I began to practice working less hard at it during my reading aloud sessions. I would read seeing how little movement I could make, even looking in the mirror while I was doing it, then seeing how loudly or strongly I could say the words without using my mouth much more obviously. This worked very well and I've been practising this in my everyday speech ever since.

I accept that I may never be totally fluent in all situations, but I'm a great deal more comfortable with my speech now and do quite well in everyday life. I never have the long silences that left me cringing for days. However, if I'm have a bad day due to indifferent health or some anxiety, I lie low and don't force myself to do things that might not work out. I leave it for a day or two until I'm feeling better, not to discourage myself. Last November my handicapped son was ill and I had a lot of disturbed nights and stressful days. I was shocked to find that my speech deteriorated as if I hadn't done any work on it at all. It was a reminder that I'm not 'cured', I'll always have to work at it.

Back To Basics

However, I knew what to do. Back to Basics! Reading aloud, reminding myself constantly - not too fast, pause, soft contacts, breathe. Gradually the more fluent speech returned. One of my difficulties is that it is still unpredictable. I can never be absolutely sure it will work out when I open my mouth but who knows what may yet be achieved. I've had the problem for a long time, it won't go away that easily.

Regarding medication, muscle relaxers don't help me at all, but years ago before I had any help with speech the doctor prescribed Oxazepam (10mg) when I had to deal with difficult speaking situations such as taking my handicapped son to see specialist doctors in London and Southampton. These doctors are always accompanied by student doctors and others. Daunting at any time but all the more so to a stammerer.

The tablets did help to alleviate the anxiety, which in turn helped the speech. I still like to keep some in the cupboard but stress that they should not be used on a regular basis as they are addictive in the long term.

I was able to obtain the help and support of a speech therapist whom I now see only at six-monthly intervals. She's very impressed with the progress that has been made. Also I'm a great believer in the power of earnest, sincere prayer and certainly feel that I have been helped in my efforts.