Perhaps I should say avoiding, rather than celebrating stammering, which led to blocking very badly at times.

A few months ago, BSA contacted me to help with stammering awareness in the Midlands area. I spoke to a journalist who was making a one-minute programme on health issues, during which I said that I had to learn how to stammer before I could loose my fear of stammering.

Later I thought to myself, 'where did that come from?' Then I realised that 40 years previously, whilst attending speech therapy, I was told that I would have to learn how to stammer. My reaction was to run away. I can clearly remember thinking 'I DO NOT WANT TO STAMMER'. I left speech therapy, thinking I could sort myself out. All I succeeded in doing was blocking even harder and making life difficult for myself.

I have always wanted the fluency, but found that I lacked the self-discipline to achieve results - it was all too hard. I have tried, but as soon as I know I am about to stammer, I use all the tricks and habits I have accumulated.

Earlier this year I was asked by BSA to give a talk to the local Rotary Club by. Again, I stood up and said that I have to learn how to stammer, so I could loose my fear of stammering. It got a laugh - and their attention.

I have come a long way in those fifty years. I can understand being fearful of stammering as a five year old child, it's only natural. As an awkward 15 year old who was very sensitive about his speech, who could not bear to hear his own stammer or be with other stammerers, it is not surprising that I ran away. But I have lost my hair, gained too much weight and had enough speech therapy to know better. So perhaps its time I learnt how to stammer, with dignity.

From the Autumn 2005 edition of Speaking Out