Could stammering still be an issue after a career in corporate management? For John Hannon, it had to be managed properly.

John Hannon

Recently I found myself in Washington DC about to start delivering a project management skills training course, feeling nervous and suffering jet lag. I thought to myself 'why did I get myself into this situation?' However, I plucked up my courage and explained to the group that I sometimes stammered but it would not affect my ability to teach the course. I stammered a lot on the first day but it did get easier after that; the course was a success and I received positive assessments at the end. This was an important milestone on my lifelong journey of dealing with my stammering.

Surprisingly to me, I have often put myself into situations that call for a high quality of effective speech. I have worked as a schoolteacher and a salesman, and I have often talked to groups of people. I am a stubborn person and I was determined not to be put off doing things that I wanted to do simply because I stammered. Nevertheless I think that my stammer has left me quieter and more reserved than I might otherwise be. On the other hand it possibly helped me to be more sensitive to other people.

The mildness of my stammering has constantly perplexed me. It has been very frustrating because I often thought that it should have been easier for me to eradicate it entirely but it has proved as stubborn a problem as for most people. About three years ago, I felt particularly depressed about my speech and that my stammer was preventing me from developing as a person, so I went along to the City Lit and joined the Interiorised Stammering course in autumn 2002.

'Interiorised stammerers' are people who can be almost entirely successful at concealing their stammer. This apparent benefit of being able to 'get by' with the benefit of avoidance, postponement and substitution, has the drawback that we are prone to self-deception. Because we get by, we can delude ourselves that we don't really have a problem which reinforces our avoidance habits. I rarely spoke about my stammer to anyone other than my wife and lived in the forlorn hope that most people would not notice it. When it was really bad and I got blocked I felt devastated: not just because of the embarrassment of the moment but because I was 'outed'. Needless to say these occasions tended to be when it was very important to me that I was fluent, for example, when giving an important presentation or at a job interview.

I found the City Lit course enormously helpful. For me, the most important aspect of all was desensitisation. I was quickly persuaded that only by admitting my stammer would I have any possibility of managing it. One of my more successful attempts at self-therapy had been to read a book called Self-Therapy for the Stutterer (published by Malcolm Fraser of the Speech Foundation of America). I must have read the book dozens of times and it did help, but being on a course and working with Carolyn and the rest of the participants brought it to life and encouraged me to work on those areas that I had avoided, such as admitting that I stammered. I really took this on and embarked on a programme of discussing my stammer with as many of my friends and colleagues as possible. On one memorable occasion I spoke about my stammer to a group of over 100 people. I found this process very liberating: it was a great relief to finally be honest. I realised that I had been troubled by an underlying feeling that I was somehow not being true to who I really was by maintaining my deception and it felt somehow 'cleaner' to be up-front and admit that I stammered. Even if being honest didn't help my fluency I felt it was essential for my personal development.

I still stammer, although not as much as I used to. I am braver about admitting that I stammer. The Interiorised Stammering course was a very important step on my journey. It gave me the motivation to be open and honest about what has often been a very painful aspect of my life. My stammering seems to happen as a result of my fear and anxiety about speaking to people and that fear causes an unnatural tension in my body, especially my voice equipment; the tension then causes me to stammer. By removing some of the fear and anxiety, by no longer hiding, I have reduced the resulting tension and my speech is more fluent.

'Self-Therapy for the Stutterer' is available from the BSA shop.

John Hannon trained with a leading firm of management consultants specialising in leadership development, change management and coaching. He is completing a graduate-level Diploma in Coaching validated by OCR.
More information:
www.newprojections.com
Coaching: www.coachfederation.org/aboutcoaching/
Qualifications: www.ocr.org.uk

From the Spring 2004 edition of Speaking Out

See also:
City Lit courses - including 'Interiorised stammering' course
Talk about honesty...
Interiorised stammering - BSA's leaflet, which has further links
You are what you think by John Hannon
Coaching for people who stammer by John Hannon