Good therapy can help to change a child's life, but patience and understanding at home create the foundation says Yvonne Thomas.

Christopher was my youngest child of three. When he started to string words together at an early age, almost immediately it became apparent that he had a stammer. Many people would get uncomfortable around Chris as he was trying in vain to get his words out, then, when I explained to them that Chris had a stammer, the usual replies were: "Really, I hardly noticed," or "he is not that bad, don't let it worry you!" It was obvious by reactions that many people did not really know how to cope with a conversation when someone stammered.

The most important steps to follow are patience - kindness - and understanding.

We were forever reassuring Christopher that it was okay and he must not worry about his stammering, telling him that if people were unkind, they were not worth knowing, etc etc. Those comforting words often seemed empty and as a mother I often felt guilty not knowing what to do or how I could help him.

We tried speech therapy. It was given to us with much kindness, but made little difference. We then introduced some family orientated 'tricks' and although these did not stop Christopher stammering, they would help him to join in conversations without getting left behind. As a family, we always sit down to dinner together. As Christopher was a 'fluent' singer, we sometimes had a singing dinner. I am sure many who are reading this may think: "how impractical". However, because the whole family would sing their conversations rather than talk, Christopher found that he could readily join in, as for some reason the stammer fell silent when he started to sing. It was fun. Chris felt his views were important and he also felt more like one of us as he was not getting left behind.

Another 'trick' we put into action was to stop what we were doing when Christopher was talking to us. This was sometimes hard, but we felt that to keep chatting to him without looking at him and stopping what we were doing was sometimes interpreted by him as not being listened to. It was also hard because life is so rushed today. This had to change. I would stop what I was doing, even if it meant burning the food, and I would listen to him. It was all about perspective - and what was more important, the cooking and cleaning, or my son's confidence? There was no contest.

Most of all it was patience, kindness and understanding that helped us all through. I felt Christopher's frustration almost as much as he did when he stammered and prayed for a miracle cure to appear. Then I saw a small article on the Starfish Project. We recently attended Starfish in East Sussex for three days. I have watched Chris work very hard, along with other young people in the same situation.

There is no doubt that this has given Christopher so much confidence and control over his speech that he is a changed boy now. He is no longer afraid to join in conversations, to use the telephone and to say what he wants to say. It really helped us all as a family but most importantly of all, it has given Christopher what is rightfully his - controlled speech.

We both know there will be bad days when he may fall off track a little when he thinks he has this thing licked. It will never be licked, but it will ALWAYS be in his control.

Whatever path you decide to take to seek help and support for your child, I believe the real base to build on starts at home. The most important steps to follow are patience - kindness - and understanding. I really believe that those words are the key. I have also learned that every stammer is as individual as the person who is stammering - therefore perhaps other 'tricks' may work for you and your child. I think it is important to remember - however mad singing at the dinner table sounds - if it helps - your child's confidence can only grow.

From the Winter 2005 edition of Speaking Out