Life in the fast lane

Mary Bird, with her award winning 'Car Love' male toiletries range, recently used as table gifts at the Conservative Ball and as gifts to the Stars at the MOBO awards 2010, explains how important her stammer has been to her.

Mary Bird

If anyone asked me, what was the most important influence in my life, that made me the woman I am today, I would without hesitation, say my stammer, for had I not got it, my life would have been very different indeed.

It has shaped me, and continues to even now. Even when others may have thought "poor Mary", and it is very easy to then think "poor me", the story that led me to where I am today began when I started to say "Thank you for my stammer"... yep ... Thank you. And it is this acceptance of it that freed me to be me.

Waiting for a miracle

I can remember, as a girl of about nine, being taken along to the village church one evening, as a Healer was coming. I was walked up by my parents, had hands placed on me, words said and was pushed back to lie on the floor. I sat back in my pew, terrified of opening my mouth, in case my stammer was still there with all eyes of the congregation on me waiting for a miracle.

I was so pleased to get back home again. In the stillness of my room, I opened my mouth, only to feel the same tightness and tension that had always been there. My reaction to this was to take on board that I had done something wrong, and had been a bad little girl, which is why I wasn't healed and that God wanted me to have my debilitating stammer. With this in mind, I always tried to be good....perhaps that would make it go away.

I was told that my stammer first started when I went to the circus at age 3, and the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk walked around the tent. Had I got my stammer because of fear then?

Fear of not being accepted, fear of not being approved of, fear that no boy would ever want me, fear that no one would like me, fear that I wouldn't come up to my parents' expectations, fear of failure and fear of being an embarrassment to the family. Hum, quite a lot of fear there ... Yet I was brought up in a very Christian family, so let's add one more to that list: fear of God.

So where does one go from that, to where I am now?

Well, it was when I stopped believing that I was imperfect, and for that I had to give up the hope that I was ever going to be 'healed' of my stammer. It was coming to the realisation that unless I accepted who I was, and believed that I was as God had created me, I would continue to seek approval and try to keep everyone else happy, simply to fit in and gain acceptance. It was this belief that gave me confidence; I had to be the woman I was created to be, and that was the way to God's heart!

Living on adrenalin

"the bigger the idea, the bigger the risk and fear, the easier it has been to get my words out!"

So how does it work?? Well, part of me, is a shy, home loving woman, who is quite happy pottering around the garden, living by myself with my children, working in silence and never really needing to see anyone at all. However, the artistic and creative side of me needs to jump out and explode, be mad and crazy, expressive and dynamic or I have the feeling that I will go mental! That's who I was created to be. I have to do something that is so terrifying, so out of my comfort zone, that adrenalin is pumping through my body, that my whole reputation and life are on the line, and I have to do it .....ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Basically, I have to "perform" be it performing on the media stage, in conversation, in the pub, being taken out for a meal, asking directions, anything and anywhere. This has meant that the bigger the idea, the bigger the risk and fear, the easier it has been to get my words out! This is why, forming my business and company, I have always gone to the top, the head of the company, the one with all the power.

Another thing is, that I always "warn" people I have a stammer, just as I am starting. This means that little hesitancies that may come out are not seen as "being drunk" or something like that, although a glass of wine does help my mouth to work after 6pm!

But some things I cannot do. I cannot do small talk, because my words are so precious to me, speaking them for no reason makes me stammer. Also, I have never had a real job, in the outside world, simply because keeping the performance up from 9-5 is totally exhausting, and then one is serving a customer and a great big sssssssttttttttammer comes out, oops.

I also can't do arguments, which has left me as a silent party in many relationships. I cannot just blurt words out I don't mean, because my brain has to think of every word I say and letting a stream of abusive out is foreign to me. It also makes me very vulnerable, as I believe far too much of what is said to me, as I cannot understand not saying what one means... but that is where I have learnt acceptance of other people from. You cannot change anyone, or make anyone love you. People are just as they are.

The final thing is media interviews. It's strange, when I am in control of the situation, and know what I want to say, then I am fine. But as soon as someone starts asking me things about myself, and makes me think on the spot, I have to be very careful indeed, slow right down and breathe!! Oh dear, that prolonged speech again... my mind is working so fast, and my mouth only just keeps up, and then I listen to everything I say, back through my ears, while my mind is preparing the next sentence....perfect conditions for a major stammering episode !!

Please do not think that this performance is not me? it is very much me, it is the mad creative, passionate side of me, the one that people love to work with, the energy, the vision and the determination that never give up. Though this has not come easy.

I have a son who is in the Royal Navy, another son who runs his own business, and my darling little daughter who has just won a drama scholarship to a major public school.

So who am I? ... A woman who would have been nothing, without my stammer!

- Mary's Book 'The Car Masutra...for the man who loves his car' reached the Amazon best sellers list in 2006.
- The Classic Car Masutra, Custom Car Masutra and Sports Car Masutra male toiletries range won a Gift of the Year award 2010.
- Pre-launch of range at the NEC Classic Motor Show 2009
- Mary's products were used as table gifts for the Conservative Blue Ribbon Ball at the Savoy London in October 2010.
- The Car Masutra range was also used as gifts for all the stars at the MOBO Awards 2010 in Liverpool. Photographs from backstage on web site.
- The original book has just been picked up to be made into a movie for 2012.

For product range and full history: www.carmasutra.com
Mary would love to hear from anyone...business or pleasure! - mary@carmasutra.com

From the Winter 2010 issue of Speaking Out, pages 10-11