Profile: Paul Curtis

A BSA member talks about themself and their stammering.

Paul Curtis

Current job:
Currently working as a governance officer for a charity in London but I am being commissioned to write a book entitled Walking on the Isle of Wight, which is due to be published in Summer 2013, and I hope that will lead to other writing projects.

My hobbies/interests:
I enjoy largely solitary but 'wholesome' hobbies, such as cycling and long-distance walking. My twin ambitions in this regard are to walk from Munich to the South of Spain (in stages!) and Brittany to Sicily (in one go!) I'm 36 but it can still be done! I also like doing film reviews: see http://subtleface.blogspot.com.

How has stammering affected your life?
I have always thought of myself (rightly or wrongly) as unusual in that I have a very severe stammer yet accepted and have been content with myself from early on in life. This means I have never suffered seriously from low self-esteem. I have a few good friends who don't care what I sound like, and I have never struggled to find employment and generally do whatever I want to do.

Social situations are difficult, granted, but I hope I speak from objective belief rather than convenient bias when I say that in my opinion conversations are not always what they're cracked up to be. If you're well-balanced, are likeable, and your default state is to love life, you can thrive without having to speak constantly to everyone. So whereas conversation and companionship are important both for their own sake and for the indirect benefits they bring (such as to be liked, trusted and to have your superficial knowledge increased), aesthetic pursuits such as the solitary enjoyment of music and nature are in many contexts just as wonderful and valuable and I personally don't feel guilty for enjoying them.

One negative consequence of my severe stammer is the fact that people must view me as an enigma, for I am so quiet, withdrawn and verbally inarticulate in most circumstances, yet am inclined to speak to people in quite an assertive and blunt manner, both verbally and by email. People like consistency of character in others, it increases their approval, respect and trust.

Has stammering had any benefits?
I like the uniqueness of it, being unique. I admit I sometimes like it when people just don't know what to make of me or when I reassure people that no, I'm really not nervous or excitable: I speak this way to my own mother! It's given me insight, passion, an edge, and contributed to writing abilities.

What have you found most helpful in dealing with your stammer?
I try the standard techniques occasionally but they don't seem to work with me. All the speech therapy I have tried hasn't worked and I wonder if that is partly because I have disdain for such methods. Our problem is not disfluency in speech, it is disfluency in verbal communication (my understanding is that most people who stammer do not stammer when on their own). But in my opinion, shared by at least one neurologist I have been in contact with, what starts as a treatable psychological problem in childhood becomes more ingrained, hence less treatable by psychological methods and more neurological, over time. I find the standard speech therapy approach at least in this country condescending; what would be much more useful, for me at least, is conversation therapy where people with severe stammers can improve their small-talk abilities and minimise embarrassment to all concerned.

One surprising fact about you?
I cycled solo across the USA in summer 2008. My blog is at www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/3548. I also cycled solo from Marseille to Istanbul in 2004 and have had several other such adventures.

What's important to you in life?
Dignity and integrity are important but can be sacrificed on the odd occasion! To make decisions which enable me to stay true to myself. To absolutely not take life too seriously and therefore to maintain a wicked sense of humour. Sometimes I like to think I can do without people altogether but of course that?s as false as it is dangerous and I often remind myself that family and friends are very important to me.

From the Winter 2010 issue of Speaking Out, page 18