Taking on the phone monster

Helen Phillips has always found telephone calls daunting. She writes about what helps, listener reactions, and tackling calls head on.

Helen Phillips

I've worked in the same department for over three years and every day I probably answer the phone countless times and make half as many outgoing calls. I stammer every single time - always at the beginning, usually in the middle and rarely at the end. Whenever anyone comments that they've never heard me stammer, I tell them they should hear me on the phone. Ever since I can remember I have always found phone conversations extremely daunting. There is something about not being able to see the person's face, the time pressure and, perhaps most profoundly, the audacity of the ring tone - "hey YOU, I need to talk to you RIGHT NOW" (face to face, I naturally assume a much more meek "um, excuse me..." personality). I would be lying if I said it's an entirely stammering-related issue.

In the last year I've come a long way with stammering on the phone. It used to almost reduce me to tears, and was the source of a lot of anxiety, more than my duties themselves. The conflict between knowing that there were certain words I had to say, that I couldn't substitute, and the shame of people hearing me stammer made me want to engage every muscle in my body in order to force it out, and pray that somehow that would work. I concentrated so much on not stammering that I stammered more. Nowadays I try and remember what I learnt from my City Lit course - that steering clear of tension makes the words come out easier. This inevitably involves not fighting it...accepting it.

Of the lucky telephonists on the other end of the line many are patient, treating me no differently to anyone else and waiting for me to finish. Others finish my sentence for me, or interrupt before I've finished. Perhaps they are impatient, or perhaps they think this makes it easier for me. I sometimes get a titter, a fit of giggles, annoyance or confusion. I carry on regardless - the conversation is not about me and my speech, it's whatever important conversation we need to have and the outcome of that. It's about me doing my job. That's not to say that I don't think the person needs educating, and that it doesn't upset me, I would just prefer in this context to stick to the conversation I intended to have. I think one of the best ways of fighting back is to carry on stammering despite the ridicule, with confidence.

Avoiding avoidance

"If I have to initiate a call, I always go through the extravagant gesture of picking up the bulky receiver before I have the chance to talk myself out of it."

I try very hard not to avoid any phone calls. I don't usually hesitate to pick it up, I have been known to run over to my desk to answer the phone if I stray away from it, and if I have to initiate it I always go through the extravagant gesture of picking up the bulky receiver before I have the chance to talk myself out of it. (Thank God I don't have to use a mobile for work, although when I do use my mobile for personal calls I try to do it in the same spirit - that button is a one way ticket).

But a problem is still there - I still avoid saying my name during outgoing calls to someone I don't know, mainly because I worry about time pressure. Part of me, the stammerer who is still hard on herself, still feels that it's unacceptable to make a phone call and not get the preliminaries over quickly. After all, everyone else manages it. On the plus side, at least beginning a conversation with a stammer quickly gets things out in the open. My face to face conversations often involve a big surprise for the listener, after half an hour of fluency - suddenly it arrives, wrapped in a big pink facial contortion - sssss....

But let's return to those familiar listeners. The more I think about it, the more I think people instantly recognise and identify me as soon as they hear me stammer. The more I think about it, the more I like it. My stammer is one of the things that make me unique. I intend to embrace it.

With this in mind, I intend to set myself the goal of always introducing myself on the phone. The listener will just have to wait.

I'm Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhelen. I stammer. I'll say my name regardless, and I'll say it like no-one else.

From the Summer 2011 issue of Speaking Out, page 8.