Stammering - my spiritual point of view
By Rachel Albert

For a number of years I have been talking to close friends in the BSA about what I feel about the link between spirituality and stammering. When I saw Karen Allen's spirituality discussion group in the members' newsletter I said "at last - someone is bringing this subject out into the open and talking about it".

Three years ago, I tried to write this article but the words wouldn't come - I don't normally have a problem with the written word - it usually just flows, but despite several attempts, the screen remained blank. You see, the idea was there, but the timing was wrong. Other things had to be in place before I could write this.

I gained a great deal from Karen's discussion group and we were able for the first time within the BSA to talk (as a group) about the link between spirituality and stammering. Spirituality means different things to different people - to me it is a way of life, a way of being, a way of relating to and touching the lives of other people, to have a purpose in everything I do, to live a life of usefulness, and to strive to be as true to others as I am to myself. I can't put my energies into doing anything unless there is a spiritual reason behind it. I find that there is an unseen connection, between myself and other like-minded people, which is very strong. When I am in the company of others who feel this way, wonderful things happen, not just for me but for the group as a whole. I guess the force behind all this wonderful energy is called love - spiritual love. It is the most beautiful and powerful force on earth and I can't function without it.

I haven't always felt like this - I have stammered since I was twelve, which was really quite late in life. I became very unhappy and withdrawn as a result of my stammer which came upon me very suddenly in a French lesson in school. From that day, my life changed and I thought nothing was ever going to be the same again. But I was wrong, the years passed, I became a wife and mother and gradually my thinking and feelings about my stammer changed.

I realised that it was so easy to take the negative path and feel really sorry for myself. We can all get frustrated and unhappy with our lot in life, but then I looked around me and found that there were so many people who were really suffering in this world - that we all have problems - just different problems. Instead of looking at what was lacking in my life, I chose to look at what I had been given - a wonderful, loving and caring family, many loyal and good friends, and I realised that I was a better communicator, in spite of my dysfluency, than a lot of people I knew. Because for me, good communication comes from the heart - not from the mouth. I found that people will love you for the person you are and not for the way you speak. The spiritual understanding I now have of life has also helped me a great deal to accept the things I cannot change and to find happiness, even in my dysfluency. I try to live a life of usefulness and have the love and respect of many good people I have met in my life - that to me it is far more important than having fluency.

I feel that every challenge in life can make us stronger, better people. If stammering has made me the person I am today, then I am happy that I have been given this challenge - I may have had a completely different set of values and been a very different person if my life hadn't suddenly changed in that French class many years ago.

In conclusion, it hasn't been easy to write this article - sharing my spiritual thoughts and feelings in this way - in a magazine. Members who know me well will understand what I am trying to convey - but if we are strangers then please know that the above is only an account of one person?'s experience of one aspect of stammering. I realise of course, that it is not the same for everyone.

Email: rae_al_in_motion@hotmail.com
Tel: 07956 900 909

© Rachel Albert 2005

From the Spring 2005 edition of Speaking Out

See also: Spiritually speaking about stammering... by Karen Allen.